For the Elation
by hippiechick2112
Summary: Death saw that Trapper always held onto elation as his anchor. But it slowly eroded from his essence. Korea was a hard game to play and Trapper never knew all the rules. Story one in the series "After My War".


**For the Elation**

 **Note and Disclaimer: I'll always say that I never own _M*A*S*H_ and will continue to do so. This is a new series titled "After My War", dictated by the character of Death. Enjoy!**

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Nobody likes to meet me since I am part of the unknown. I am a figure of fright and endings. I envelop the world in a cocoon of darkness and finale. But I also help people find their way back home, to peace and purpose. They remember their old life and they recall that theirs had been a special bond to the Earth.

But none fascinated me more than the people who worked at the 4077th M*A*S*H in Korea. They had been a bunch of interesting characters, I'll tell you, and many have escaped me during the conflict. But this first tale I must tell is about a man who sought to forget that world and focus on the three girls back home in Boston. His name was John Francis Xavier "Trapper" McIntyre.

He was a class clown the way he acted. His short tenure at the 4077th was beset by drunken behavior, quiet resignation and then anger, all of it displayed in a series of pranks. Before, he had a happy practice at home and a wonderful home life. Being drafted and taken away from that was the most bitter blow he had been dealt. He missed his wife Louise and daughters Becky and Kathy with a passion that showed in every letter and conversation.

 _It's unfair!_ That had been his constant thought.

But what Trapper held onto was his elation. It was the feeling when he came home from work and his daughters jumped on him and gave him all the hugs and kisses a father could wish for. It was when his wife would shoo them away and kiss him so hard that he forgot how bad it was at the office. There were the dinners together, updates on the girls' day at school and what Louise had done while he was away.

It was the togetherness and warmth he craved and one that his family could give. Even though he was constantly cheating on his wife, Trapper loved Louise. His hurting her sprung from the need to kill his pain. Drinking never erased that emptiness. Being with another woman every week did.

Trapper had a heart of gold regardless of his vices. He did everything he could to hold onto that elation, going as far as buddying up with his tent-mates to make life bearable. He tried adapting a child before finding out that the mother was still alive. He tended to his patients with a steadied skill and a dedicated spirit. He defended the enlisted personnel of the camp from the firebrand warriors of the Army. Once, he even hid a nurse so that she didn't have to deal with her superior officer.

The war in Korea nearly concluded with him in pieces in a minefield. Many nights, Trapper would think about ending his life so that he did not have to face the shame at home. Oh, he desired more than anything else to be in Boston. But knowing that he had seen what no man should festered into a sort of humiliation that he knew he could not explain to his wife and daughters. It was a wound that nobody could heal…and he couldn't either.

It just wasn't his time. His ghost was to the keeping of the Earth…for now. But it was going to give up sooner than most.

After his war, maybe over a year after arriving in Korea, Trapper heard the news of his discharge. He jumped for joy. He could hardly wait to take that plane home and resume a normal life. While his friend Hawkeye was in Tokyo, he celebrated alone, getting drunk and running through the Mess Tent naked. He had no care anymore. He was freed from the bonds of servitude and did not need to focus on this hell. The end was in sight. That elation will hold him on the pathway to liberation.

And it did for a while. Boston was the same as always and his civilian days resumed without much incident. However, the nightmares shortly dominated his life. Trapper was not able to grasp onto reality. He still thought that he was in Korea most nights, dazed by its solidity by day. Everything blended into a mesh of images he could not shake away. The comfort he was supposed to receive from that elation no longer was holding him together. He was coming apart at the seams.

Again, there were those thoughts of suicide. It was easy to conduct it in the medical profession. An accident here, another mishap there…it was all the same. Trapper could not see his way through those possibilities. At the same time, he still hung onto that emotion he could not shake away in Korea. It was a thread, but it wasn't going to be enough to keep him attached.

I am Death though…and there is always a way to me. Trapper McIntyre escaped me for the elation. However, he will find his own ruin in good time. That gushing feeling will not last for much longer, I can see. Korea will come back to haunt him and his dreams forevermore…and he will soon embrace me in that final dance.


End file.
